Van Halen vs. Bon Jovi, Part I

Back in the 80s when I was still a little Sheed, it struck me as quite odd that two of the biggest rock bands of the day both derived their names from the two-word surname of the bands’ most prominent members. I am speaking, of course, about Van Halen and Bon Jovi. Because of the similarity in their names, comparing these two bands to each other is something that’s been going on in my head for over 20 years now.

In formulating an in-depth comparison/analysis, the first thing that comes to mind is the issue of longevity. It’s been a decade and a half since Van Halen was anything more than an unintentionally hilarious sideshow (come back tomorrow for a few specifics). Conversely, even today Bon Jovi never seems too far removed from the public consciousness (they had an album hit record-store shelves less than two years ago that sold five million copies).

But then there’s the issue of relative greatness. At its peak, Van Halen was much more influential and meaningful than anything Bon Jovi ever approached. For statistical proof, just look at the aggregate album sales that put Van Halen at 56.5 million, compared to “only” 33 million for Bon Jovi (data from the Recording Industry Association of America). However, if you (like me) prefer to frame debates in terms of anecdotal evidence, then look no further than the 1982 movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High in which Sean Penn unforgettably portrayed surfer/slacker extraordinaire Jeff Spicoli. At the end of the movie, a paragraph about what became of each of the main characters following high school is shown on the screen. Spicoli, we’re told, got a five-figure sum of money for saving Brooke Shields from drowning. What’d he do with the money? Hire Van Halen to play his birthday party, of course.

For the musically-challenged, let’s frame this in terms of sports. Van Halen and Bon Jovi are like baseball stars Eddie Murray and Dale Murphy, respectively (and no, it’s not by accident that I chose players with such similar last names as “Murray” and “Murphy”). In a 21-year career, Murray hit .287 to go with 504 HR and 1907 RBI. Murphy, meanwhile, hit .265 with 398 HR and 1266 RBI over 18 seasons. Murray wins by a landslide, right? Not so fast. Although Eddie is the only one of the two enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame, Dale is the only one with an MVP award on his mantle – and dude’s got two of them. What’s better in the eyes of history, a player who was consistently great for a longer period of time or one who was great for over a decade AND the best player in baseball for a two-year span? In my not-so-humble opinion, it’s a debate that’s far from cut-and-dry.

So it’s on: Van Halen versus Bon Jovi for the distinction of “Best 80s Rock Band Named After a Two-Word Surname.” Let the debate begin…tomorrow.